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Man seriously injured during brutal spider attack


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#1
TacticalCheese

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So one night some time ago I was in my bed, drifting off to sleep. Suddenly this bigass black spider plops down onto my face, hanging from his web-threads that were attached to the ceiling. He looked me right in the eye with one (or all?) of his eight fuzzy bunnyng eyes and said "Hey homie I'm just droppin' in to say goodnight, hope y'all sle-"
 
 
Before he could finish talking I powerslapped that fuzzy bunny right across the room. There was no way in hell that this was going to be allowed. Not here, not now. He lands somewhere near my TV, then turns to me and says "DAMN SON YOU DONE fuzzy bunnyED UP NOW, IMMA REMEMBER THIS JUST YOU WAIT" and with that he scuttled under my TV stand. '
 
This was unacceptable. I immediately jumped out of bed and armed myself with a can of air freshener, ready to fuzzy bunny this spider's night right up. I was not going to fall for his tricks, ya feel? That's what they do, spiders take their good old time getting their revenge; they remember your face, remember what you did, and wait in hiding until you fall asleep then BAM they go and eat your organs out and lay eggs in your ears or some other crazy spider-related fuzzy bunny!
 
 
I spent the next hour shuffling furniture around, desperately trying to locate the little bastard. Finally I found him when I moved a DVD case. He immediately attempted to escape, but my vigilance proved too much; I blasted him with the air freshener in an attempt to slow him down, but this just seemed to piss him off even more. He screeched loudly (kinda sounded like GRREERRRRRRRREEEEEE) and sped off at like, mach 10 speeds. It's probably the single most terrifying thing I've ever witnessed thus far in my life. 
 
 
 
After about another 10 minutes I found him again. It was going down now, I had him cornered. I got as close as I could bear to and sprayed his ass with the air freshener, laughing with gleeful insanity as he ran around in circles, faceplanting into various objects and making sounds that I thought only came from lobsters being cooked alive. After about 30 seconds of this ridiculous, exaggerated event, he stopped moving and all his little legs curled up, as dead spider legs often do. I yodeled to the heavens to celebrate my victory and then threw the body in the toilet, which I proceeded to piss on before flushing away.

Edited by TacticalCheese, 20 August 2015 - 09:20 PM.

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#2
Merl61

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I yodeled to the heavens to celebrate my victory and then threw the body in the toilet, which I proceeded to piss on before flushing away.

 

What I do when I win a 1v1


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#3
crockrocket

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What I do when I win a 1v1

I usually just yodel since the body is on the computer screen, and I've heard that piss is bad for your computer.


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Salvage: An Idea to Stop Leavers

Player Retention & Howken

 

[14:31] <Crafty> I know that in my balls
[14:32] <Crafty> hawken is unlike anything Ive played

 

 


#4
Elite_is_salty

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which I proceeded to piss on

 

Way to assert dominance ...


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The PC community is the red headed step child Reloaded never wanted but got saddled with when they married the PC community's mother.

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Shoutout to mah real Africans out there.


#5
reVelske

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Only true solution:

 

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#6
Rainbow_Sheep

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http://www.emergencyyodel.com/

 

For all your yodelling needs


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Spoiler

#7
Merl61

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http://www.emergencyyodel.com/

 

For all your yodelling needs

My new donate sound


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#8
hoghead

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spiderattackscat.gif This cat just lost 8 lives!


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#9
6ixxer

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