So last night I got home around 2am after Star Wars and was quite ready to go the fuzz to sleep. That was not to be, however, because I was kept up by yowling outside and, upon turning on my lights to see wtf, insistent batting at the windows. FYI, I live in a basement apartment. These windows are small, dusty and last night one of them was fuzzing full of cat.
So I do what anyone with half a heart does and go outside to see wtf is up. There's this fat fuzzy bunny of a cat with matted fur, possibly covering an injury and an unmentionable behind. Goddammit, it was like 0 degrees, so I try to get the fuzzy bunnyer to come with me inside. We get to the door and he doesn't want to go. Fine, have it your way, here's a fuzzy bunnyng blanket in a wind-protected area and some dry food I swiped from the neighbors that you've probably been swiping too, ya fat fuzzy bunny. Back to bed for me.
bat bat bat bat
fuzzy bunny. Off.
I go up and try to get the fuzzy bunnyer inside again, no avail. Go back to bed. bat bat bat bat. Rinse, repeat until like 3:30 in the morning and I say fuzzy bunny it, gather the matted mass of fur and whatever and carry it inside. The jackass is purring. fuzzy bunnyer is apparently scared by stairs. I dump him in my kitchen, leave some food and water out and have a fuzzy bunnyng shower because ew and also LOL I'M ALLERGIC.
Fast-forward to the next morning and I'm not looking forward to cleaning up the mess the bugger has left me. Shock and awe, there's no mess and he's curled up by the radiator. Good for you, asshat. Four fuzzy bunnyng hours of calling shelters and animal hospitals and looking up lost cat ads later, I say fuzzy bunny it and decide to just take the fuzzy bunny to Humane Society. Have you ever tried to get a large, unwilling cat into a cat carrier that you literally just bought because just having the thing in your house is fuzzy bunnyng with your sinuses? Yeah, tons of fun.
Long story short, I get the fuzzy bunny to the Humane Society, checks are done and roflcopters he's a she and she's pregnant. fuzzy bunnyng wonderful, but not my goddamn problem anymore. Hopefully all the little fuzzies go to good homes and she goes to a different home than she came from because fuzzy bunny those incompetent fuzzy bunnywitswho didn't spay her and let her outside.
Now I'm typing this up, teary-eyed, sniffling and angry as hell and in sore need of a drink because the humane society sounds like fuzzy hell and smells like a hospital which is a great fuzzy bunnyng combination for me, let me tell you.
I'm going to the bar, have a fuzzy bunnyng picture of the dumb bint.

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