Archive ed.
I posted this thread in the older Hawken forum when the Berserker was in, largely, the same state as it was now. I was recently reminded of my post by another forum-goer. How fitting, then, that I should post this thread again and hope that the Berserker be reworked according to my suggestions!
Hey weren't you the guy who made the zerker not op thread? [...]
If anyone has copies of my other grand suggestionstm, please feel free to PM them to me so that I may perhaps refurbish them and reproduce them for posterity here at the new forum! (And I'm sure they are equally applicable to Hawken now.)
---
To my dear friends who sit with me (I jest -- my friends, we are separated by unimaginable distances covered by only imagination alone) gazing across the wondrous interface of Hawken's forum,
Time has made me weary, just as it had made me wary. The daily war of struggles left me wary of people, those sometimes dainty creatures of integrity who at some times are possessed by ulterior prejudices, and sometimes those battles lead my spirit awry into dismal outlook. Perhaps, I might say, some number of times too many, and that has left me weary. Weary, perhaps, but not defeated. Well, defeated, perhaps, once or twice, but as it goes, I go too, and now I return to this wonderful community.
Now hold there! -- I describe this community that has grown around Hawken as wonderful, but not Hawken itself!
As I struggle to find income in an economy seemingly bereft of hope for those oppressed -- as I struggle to find a home in a city filled with hopes -- as I struggle with hopeless bureaucracy and hopeless people -- even one such as I desire but a moment's relief from the daily war!
I, fairly recently and I would estimate a few days before the recent, so-called “minor” May patch (how dare Meteor lie?), found myself on a brief visit to my family's home. There, I updated to the then-most-up-to-date patch for Hawken and played a few matches, eager to see what changes the developers have made while I enjoy a break from reality. In particular, I was hoping my hopes and dreams would be realized -- that at last the Berserker fly without hesitation and soar freely throughout the skies to annihilate all of my enemies!
Alight! Alight, alight my foes with the Point-D Vulcan! Fire! Fire, fire stokes my heart and puts my opponents to rest! From above, my mech would rain death and destruction and my foes would be laid low, and in woe they would lie, still. Amen.
Amen -- hah! Amen to my hopes and dreams! As I gripped my spacebar, my hopes and dreams were ripped from my heart, and so too my brief relief! Amen.
No, my Berserker did not fly unhindered by fuel. No, my Berserker did not paint my enemies in red. No, my Berserker did not spread its wings and scream with its machine gun and claw with its TOW Rockets. Instead, it whimpered, as it did before. Not even the update to crush damage could un-crush my spirit. “Revenge,” my soul begged, “revenge!”
Clearly, the problem I had perceived was not on the minds of the developers, nor on those of the community, and therefore, clearly, I must impress what must happen for the next patch to realize my hopes and dreams -- clearly.
Presently, the Berserker simply does not live up to its name. The question then is what sort of mech can live up to the name, “Berserker?” Read on, my friends.
A mech that can truly live up to a name as original and fear-inducing as “Berserker” must also be original and fear-inducing. The solution is two-fold: first, that mech must be able to teleport. No other mech can teleport, therefore this ability will allow our hypothetical mech to fulfil the requirement of originality. Second, our mech must be able to fly without limitation. Nothing strikes more fear into a person's heart than a massive, flying mech about to either crush them or fill them with bullets. Thus, our mech is fear-inducing.
There are still a few details that remain to be ironed out to fully realize the potential a name of “Berserker” provides. First, the reworked Berserker must be able to teleport at any time and to any place. For balance purposes, however, the Berserker will be restricted to teleporting only to virtual locations in Hawken's servers, and only within the regions bounded by the playable map area as determined by the developer. This is to prevent manslaughter charges from occurring in real life and the destruction of property (perhaps we'll make an exception for those whose properties are symbols or institutions of oppression -- then teleport away!).
Second, the reworked Berserker shall not only have unlimited fuel so long as it is in the air, but it shall also be able to achieve hit-scan speeds through its new-found flight capabilities. In concert with the implication that its momentum can now reach terrifying levels, it shall be able to inflict crush damage from any direction and the amount of crush damage shall be limited only by the maximum amount the data type that represents damage can hold. Because this may terrify new pilots of the Berserker who may not be able to control this most horrific beast, the balance consideration here shall be thus: new players of the Berserker suffer no fall or crush damage.
Third and last, the reworked Berserker will have both its primary and secondary weapon replaced by a “Point-D Vulcan Mk. II.” The Point-D Vulcan Mk. II will fire three times faster than the normal Point-D Vulcan and have a much more fearsome sound effect.
Following these changes to the Berserker, I think the Berserker will perhaps realize my hopes and dreams (of destroying my friends here at the Hawken forum), and my day-to-day struggles will be lightened by the thought that when I at last find myself a comfortable home, job, and life, I will be able to enjoy Hawken once again like in the days of alpha. All of my problems shall be solved and the world shall be perfect.
Amen.
Edited by WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, 19 April 2015 - 08:52 AM.
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