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So, growing up, I had to go through a lot because my mother had a chronic disease called Lupus and it physically destroyed her in all ways you can think of, like, every single part of the body, internally and externally, indescribable pain, breathing problems, bone pain, nerves pain, malfunctioning senses, epilepsy . People say ALS is the worst sickness, but I don't know about that.
My father is a very wise and patient person dealing with my mom's condition, he's basically a BOSS. I can tell you, literally THOUSANDS of hours spent in hospitals, clinics, and all that, and also at home, taking care of my mom, and he's still patient, cold, and mentally strong. And just as a side not, my father is a high school teacher, paid about 572 USD.
I can't understand how he's still very cold, calm, composed. He's got his hands full with not just the family and the job; he's the main guy in charge of the headquarters of the currently ruler party that we belong to. He's also currently the mayor's deputy (and the mayor died just 4 days ago from a heart attacks, he was still young 40 years old or smth, so dad os in charge now, damn).
But, because of my mom's condition, my childhood was almost kinda destroyed (in everything except one aspect, which is education) same to be said for my sister's.
Because of mom's health, 2 of my siblings died very young; first, my very fist sister (called Iman; meaning faith) at the age of 2 months because of an illness that a young baby can't really resists (can't remember the details pretty well) and that destroyed mom mentally and since then, she started getting panic attacks, and taking prescription drugs, and you know what come with that ... it's a fuzzy bunny nightmare.
And second, few years ago, another little brother (named youssuf, joseph in english) as mom had to do go through childbirth after 7 months (and not 9), because of her health. And after few weeks of living inside those crystal boxes, he couldn't survive and died. Oh, and almost forgot, about 5 miscarries happened besides that. IDK, it seemed that it's just mom wanted to replace my first little sister and it just didn't work.
My english is too bad to describe the effect of the loss of those two on me, my mother especially, and my little sister. My father, you already know, he's a boss.
Mom's disease is kinda unpredictable, sometimes weeks go without noticing a lot of effects, so she's pretty fine, taking care of the house, us, kinda like a normal women. Good times ...
But when it's not the case, hell breaks lose; pain, crying, pass-outs, no food, no rest, having to deal with a lot of fuzzy bunny ... what effects her impacts us almost as much.
This has been happening since I was 2 years old until today. I knew dad was exhausted of taking care of all of us for those years and, at that very young age (around 10), I was mentally grown up enough, and I knew it was time to go down and dirty and start carrying this on MY shoulders.
With a very noticeable lack of nutrition, and care for me, the little kid in primary school, I started taking care of mom; helping her with medicine, helping with cooking, housework, and treating mom in any needed way. I was pretty young and my father didn't like seeing me go through all that but, it was the only way to go, he knew his son was special, and that he's up to the struggle.
Years have passed and now, all those efforts have paid off. When I was at the age of 14-15.
My mom is getting a little better, the US is providing some kind of a treatment to stop the disease from spreading even more and weaken its effects. She's also finding the groove in doing some religious activities and that has definitely helped, she's a bit happier person.
My sister is growing up and she's starting to do the same thing I did, and taking some pressure off of me, and I appreciate that a lot. Dad is less exhausted, more focused on what he has to do.
I also got the chance to be less serious in life, more comfortable, play more, be chaotic. I loved being able to be like my friends, normal teenagers (even though I really really doubt I've gone through that stage or will ever go through it) because I didn't get any chance to be like others.
But, ugh, I had to face another BIG obstacle. 4 years ago I was diagnosed with a type of blood cancer.
I had 1 cubic inch tumor on top of my right thigh, and I was hospitalized for few weeks, and before that, had to keep going constantly to the hospital and that disturbed my studies. Though I got an overall 17/20 mark that year.
After removing that tumor I was told about what it was, but, ugh, IDK, I kinda didn't give a damn. Once I got back from the doctor's office I went to play football. I think people usually freak out to death when they learn they have a cancer.
Well, my mom was effected by that a lot, and it still shows to date, and I still don't give a damn to date.
ATM, I have about 12 other very little tumors that have stopped growing. I don't know why, but that's a good thing, I guess ... after all I really don't care.
I guess I'm kinda like my father ...
To date I never feared this cancer, never gave a fuzzy bunny, never told anyone, only my parents, and you know about it. No one else, not even my sister.
I think I have this cancer because of the poor nutrition I took when I was young, eating almost exclusively non-home-made products for a long time and for most of the time when I was a child. And you know a lot of that won't get you anywhere good.
For those 4 years, I've never suffered any effects of this cancer. I'm a very fast, athletic, tall (6'3'') guy, I play a lot of sports; football, handball, volleyball, swimming, horse-riding, and especially basketball; yer boy is the best in town baby!
Also learned 3 martial arts, in the past 7 years or so, so I can beat the fuzzy bunny out of each one of you, guaranteed. I learned how to use guns too, and learned hunting.
I'm physically pretty fine which was a big surprise to my doctors. I'm a very active person, stronger and faster than most of my healthy friends, I have a very high stamina (maybe cuz I'm skinny), I wake up before the sun goes up to pray, and then I'm able to play HAWKEN with my NA friends, and that's just awesome.
For the last few years, I was able to fully fast the month of Ramathan. where we fast the whole month everyday since before the sunrise to the sundown. And I noticed no effects on my health. Especially since I take no medicine.
Nutrition wise things have changed a little, my mother is pushing herself over the limits to take care of me more than she did before, and I'm also a grownup even though you won't see it here ... so I'm taking care of myself a little better.
I could tell you I've gone through a lot on my childhood, but one thing that I've got out of it besides experience and metal nerves, is my educational level, and skills.
The whole family, not just my parents, but my whole family contributed in teaching me everything a young person can learn, and it was pretty amazing.
That has helped me through the years having learned a lot as a child. Now, unlike most of my classmates who study for hours and hours daily, and give a lot of efforts to reach excellence, I only look at the copybook once and that's all I need to get the best mark in the tests. Just concentrate in class, and use mah brains. Did that for ages.
Even now I still don't write pages and pages of notes for all subjects like my friends, just what's really worth moving my awesome fingers. And somehow I'm still on top. Though I think I need to step up a bit. But anyway , the truth to be told, learning the basics very well has allowed me to have a very comfortable educational life. And for that, I don't credit myself, but my family.
Happiness didn't get a real good change to takeover my life; very recently, in like, the past month, it seems that it's my father's turn to suffer, we discovered that he has for a chronic blood disease of his own, and it harms any part of the body, and in the worst cases, it can cause blindness. No joke, and that's terrible. When I learned that, I was more saddened than when I learned about the cancer I have.
For about a week, my dad suffered a lot of pain, and he reached the point where he couldn't move easily for days. And some other effects that I can't describe well, but it was scary and I really was very worried.
But, meh, after all I said to myself "I'm used to this" ... after few days my dad was starting to get back on his feet, and he's now as fine as nothing happened, but the illness is there, and apparently, there's a kind of shifting between times where the effects of the illness are clear (and painful) and times where they're totally hidden.
The way I look at what could be coming is just a way for me to pay back all the efforts that dad has given to me. Soon I will be the one taking care of him and probably taking him to hospitals if things get bad, helping him with medicine if he'll need to take them, and all that.
Also just like he's done with his father who unfortunately died from cancer himself. About 7 years ago. Very nice person, the nicest spirit I've ever seen. Believe me over a thousand people were following his funeral. walking from the mosque to the cemetery that's about 1.5 miles away from it. (religious rituals).
I can see it pretty soon, when my father will actually need my help. But I'm just afraid my own cancer will hit me with the cheese. I'm not worried about myself if that happens, but about my mother and father that might not find a healthy son to take care of them. My sister is still 12 so she can't do much, same for my mom, she needs care herself.
Being a Muslim definitely helped, nothing more could ever help me stay patient, and kinda straightforward besides that. I don't drink, smoke, hurt others in any way ...
My great relationship with people has also been a big part of my life. I inherited the habit of helping others from my father but more from my grandfather. It's something in my veins. I will help anyone in anyway you can ever think of for no money or whatever.
Our society is different, my religion too, so you might not understand where I'm coming from, or why I do that, or why it would make sense. But my actions towards people has helped me make strong bonds with them, and that's also a great support to me. People love me to death, no joke.
That's not quite the case on the internet, maybe because it's my alter-ego that's in charge. I kinda consider the internet a nice place to dump all the the stupidity, negativity, and silliness. Cuz those are the last thing I need when dealing with my kind of life. That's why I'm annoying mostly, can't help it, you can just ignore it.
Hopefully you believe me when I say, deep down I'm a very nice, grown person.
IRL, I'm for some reason very charismatic, at least that's what people tell me; loved by girls, kids, teachers, elders (I like them more than they like me, cuz old people rock, you just don't know) and especially grown ups.
I tell you what, A LOT, like a lot of grown people (including all my uncles, and almost all of my aunts) don't call me just "Ashraf", but "Si Ashraf" meaning "Mr Ashraf" or "Sai'fuzzy bunny Ashraf" meaning "Mister Ashraf". And I immensely appreciate the respect I get from older people than me.
I'm really not joking, I'm totally honest. And I also don't understand why they call me like that. People of similar age never say that to me. It's good cuz that way I won't feel old.
Oh, speaking of what people say to me, before, when I was 6- years old, my father's friend use to call me a "logic philosopher". And then a lot of my father's friends started to say the same. My dad told me about that when I grew up and actually became able to understand what logic means, and what philosophy is (even though you can't entirely understand that).
He said that since my early years I was very talkative (you can clearly see it, but the negative type of talktiveness is what you'll see from me on the internet), and I talk like an old guy. I also analyze things in weird unusual ways. My teachers tell me this nowadays too. But in the positive sense, I hope ...
I'm -just like my dad- involved a lot in political stuff, I help my father in a lot of things, and I do a lot of activities on my own; charity campaigns, elders education campaigns, but mainly lectures to other youngsters (who belong to the same political party) in politics themes. been doing it for about 3 years, and it's kinda successful. I'm also an active member in a lot of events hosted by the party we belong to so I travel a lot, and it's tedious believe me.
Anyway ...
There's a lot of stuff to tell but, lol, I forget things a lot now. And each and every single thing I told is totally true. No lies, no exaggeration.
I know what's going through your mind right now, 2 things;
1- How the hell can you do all of what you mentioned especially with your family condition, and also since you study.
=> Well, I don't know, I just prioritize my activities, and do what important first. I don't procrastinate, and I have strong beliefs that have helped me carry all those burdens, and blessed me with a responsible sister that's carrying some of the weight with me. She's 13, but she's a grown women already, at least in my eyes.
2- If you're really like what you described to us, why are you such a jerk in the forums and in-game_
=> I might have pointed to this already, one person can never be perfect, and I'm the furthest human alive from being perfect, so there has to be some place for me to leave the stupid part of me do its thing, so that once fuzzy bunny I real, a true responsible person should take over.
There are few tragedies that I couldn't tell because I don't want to make you feel any worse, because those will really make you feel much worse. For real.
I don't know if there's anyone here who has suffered (and unfortunately still suffering) as much or more than me, I really doubt that. But I truly hope the best for whoever is dealing with illnesses, or one of his family, or dealing with family problems. Because I've been there, and I know how it feels, probably more than you. All I can say is, be cold blooded, that's all what my father keeps telling me.
I see a lot of friends posting on social media the "life is hard" kind of quotes, all the time, and I feel that I'm actually the only one who probably understands that for real, and it makes me feel very very lonely, but I still thank god that none of them has gone or has to go through painful experiences at least. Suffering alone is better than having others suffer too. I'm not selfish.
I could tell you that HAWKEN and this community has also contributed in keeping my relatively happy. It's definitely one good resort from all the fuzzy bunny I have to face daily in real life, the kind of fuzzy bunny I pray in tears you never have to face any little bit of it.
That's why I hope this universe remains there for me. I need it badly.
But either way, if life is tough, I'm tougher.
If you read all of what I wrote you're really one hell of a curious person! But you know about me a lot now, more than my real life friends, and one thing more than my sister.
Tell me, don't you like my story__
