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I'm happy to announce that AsianJoyKiller and I got married over the weekend!
This wasn't a planned event, but rather a spur of the moment "she's the one" kind of occurrence. We've known each other for several years online, and when we heard that Steel Killer's very own Beemann was hosting a weekend dungeon party, we simply had to be there. When I first got there, I was rather shocked at the venue he had managed to book, "The Library of Alexandria". Gone were all the manuscripts and ancient writings. In their place, were shelves lined with plaques depicting every single post Beemann had ever written. There were simply too many to count, and I marvelled at how intricately sculpted each letter was. This was craftsmanship no other man on Earth was worthy of.
My gaze was interrupted however, when I heard the sultry tone of the woman standing behind me. There she was, AsianJoyKiller, goddess of Schizoid Personality Disorder. My heart figuratively stopped, as it literally continued to pump blood through my body. I hugged her passionately while she clawed animalistically at my back, refusing to let go of me. I expected this, knowing she was as addicted to the feel of a person in her arms, as a tree of arbor to immobility. The party was not due to start until much later at night, so we sat down for long discussions about how intellectually superior we were.
With only a few minutes before festivities commenced, the remaining few guests arrived. Among them were my wife WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, and my wife Xacius. Xacius had unfortunately put on some pounds in recent years, and was feeling rather worried that she would be judged for her appearance. I comforted her, assuring her that nobody would judge because they weren't willing to look at her to begin with. The ceremonial ham was presented and enforced, signaling the start of the party.
The night consisted of a series of entertaining games. We played classics such as "Spin the Cactus", "Dirt Beef", "Meat Co-Op", and "Mild Disposition". The girls stayed up all night, sharing stories about parasitic infestations of the muscle, each one provoking a louder and more pronounced retching than the last. Bedtime was an interesting situation, as there was only one bed available. We all had to carefully arrange and stack ourselves on top of each other like Tetris blocks, making sure never to fully complete a row. This is when AJK showed her brilliance. She suggested we form beds of our own. Two people on the bottom as the mattress, two people sleeping on top. I was simply infatuated from this point on.
The next morning, I awoke to a commotion two feet away from my Fleshtress™. There stood h0B0 kneeling at his bedside, proposing my marriage to AJK. His arguement consisted of "You will be happy together!", to which AJK refuted "Show me the evidence." This was my cue. I leapt upon her, legs and arms firmly wrapped around her body, oxygen supply no longer accessible. She passed out for several hours, allowing everyone to fit her into the wedding spandex. Everyone gathered in the main hall, weeping from joy and collecting their tears in a jar.
I stood proudly atop the ceremonial ham, while AJK was dragged across the floor by WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW and Xacius. They cuffed her hands to the ham, ensuring that she soak up the scent. Everyone in the crowd approached her, dumping the contents of the jars on her body. They waited until she had absorbed the tears before the ham pronounced us as Wife, Wife, Wife, and Wife before releasing her into my arms for a passionate kiss. That night, there was no fuss over who got the bed. h0B0 lay upon it deservingly, caressing the ham as is customary for the marriage instigator.
Then we parted ways, each going back to our respectful homes. I dreamed of butterflies as I slept at the wheel...
It's amazing isn't it? Join a video game community and you're rewarded with essentially an endless stream of significant others. I hope you all enjoyed reading about one of the happiest moments of my life, and find your own sometime in the near-future, preferably 6 months - 1 year from now when Hawken has been acquired by Piranha Games.
Feel free to share your own love stories that began with Hawken.
Edited by Umbre, 06 April 2015 - 12:44 AM.
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