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Hawken - Zero

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#1
OmegaNull

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Prologue

     Ned was like any other scientist working for Crion. His goal was the advancement of science and the creation of something that could fundamentally change life on Illal, let alone across United Terran Authority controlled space. For better or for worse, it was something to work toward. The pay was good and it was a great place to work. However, that all changed. Now, this life is a living hell. Is this really the price to pay for technological advancement? A universal truth for those trying to change the laws that govern us all? These are questions that will likely never be answered. All that remains in these bitter veins is hatred. Everything was lost on that... fateful day.

 

  _____________________________

 

 

    The sky was beautiful. Staying home with my 2 daughters, Carla and Jordan, and my loving wife, Sophia, was something that every man would be envious of. Off in the distance was Praxis Valley and The Spire, Crion's main headquarters (and my place of work). The sky was blue and a light breeze could be felt as the sunlight beamed in through my kitchen window, tickling on my cheeks. Today was a Sunday and it was the few precious times that we, as a family, could be together thanks to my crazy work schedule. 

 

I was preparing a meal for us all, when a blinding bright light could be seen off in the distance. Within a matter of seconds a shockwave ripped through the house. The sound of groaning metal, shattering glass and wind was deafening. I was hit in the chest with what felt like a sledgehammer and slammed back onto the counter. Pain rippled through my head as everything went dark.

 

I am not sure how long I was out, but when I came to things were not as peaceful as they once were. As I turned my head off to the side, there was nothing but rubble. What appeared to be my house was nothing but rubble, then fear kicked in. 

 

"Soooo---," I tried to yell, but the words would not come forth. It was hard to speak. It felt like what I wanted to say and how I said things were at a disconnect. My vocals were slurred. I tried again, mustering as much strength as possible, "Sooooffffia. Kii--Kiids!,". Then, pain. Extreme pain. My legs were pinned beneath rubble and my head hurt like hell. My insides stung and throbbed. How far was I blown from my house? That didn't matter. I had to get loose but rubble was on my legs. Taking another look to my other side... I saw... her. My wife, pinned headfirst under rubble... lifeless... My eyes welled with tears as I tried to move again, groaning, grunting, struggling to free myself from this hell, but things were steadfast. Warm liquid was oozing out. Reaching down, I felt blood, then felt around my stomach. A piece of metal protrude. Things began to get very hazy. I fought, pain coursing throughout, then darkness. 

 

 

Chapter 1

 

When I came to, I was in a hospital. Several months had past. Apparently my body had taken a beating. Both of my legs have been amputated from being crushed, part of my liver is gone, spleen removed, had a deflated lung, multiple broken bones including a shattered pelvis, hematoma from a fractured skull, burst eardrums, severe concussion, and detached retina in one eye. Thanks to modern science, my internal injuries are fully healed except for my legs. Additionally, I had suffered severe memory loss. My name, where I am from, even what I use to do are just a blank. The only thing that I can remember is the explosion, my wife and kids� That was not the worst of it, however.

 

About a month after coming out of an induced coma, a man came to speak with me... about my wife and my kids� about Crion -- My wife died instantly, crushed under rubble. Carla and Jordan did not share the same fate. During the blast, they had been seated at a table next to two large glass doors that allowed a walkway through the house. Both of them had been blown through and thrown several meters away, ripped to shreds by glass and debris. Their bodies were so badly disfigured that only DNA and dental records could be used to identify the remains. 

 

It was horrible, being the left alive on this god forsaken planet. The only reason my wife and I came here was to find opportunity. Now? I don't know what to think of now. How can one of the safest structures on the planet just explode? The nano-tech teams were at the bottom of the tower in a bunker under strict security and safety protocols. They knew how dangerous it was. Yet Titan still fell. Most of the once majestic, lush valleys on all of Illal is now just a wasteland. Covered in this strange structure now deemed the Giga-Structure. Every day it continued to spread. Destroying this world. Now war rages and the planet is quarantined. It seems all hope is lost. These thoughts continued to drill into my head. They burrowed, dug, and scraped at the inside of my skull like some form of disease needing to get out. What is one supposed to do now?

 

As it turns out, my documentation was lost thanks to the Crion Incident. This, however, was both a blessing and curse. No one knew where I was from, my past, or what my identity was. Getting a job without credentials is nearly impossible. The only thing that was left to do was join up and pilot an axe.

 

These days there are a few options to make a living. Either join Sentium or Prosk, join an underground gang or organization (usually smuggling drugs, people, illegal axe parts), or become a mercenary. A murderer for hire. I had since assumed the name Thomas �Ned� River. It was something that had a nice ring to it. The next task was getting a job, something was both difficult and terrifying. With most of my memory gone it was hard to know what I was good at. The easiest thing was to join Sentium or Prosk. That was a blessing since they seemed to be signing anyone who can walk and shoot. War was coming. Everyone knew it.

 

 

______________________________

 

 

I joined Sentium about 6 months ago. Stationed with The Guard - a group tasked with protecting and upholding the �Laws and Regulations of a Stable Society� within Sentium controlled space. These men and women have been more than a place of work. They had become family for what had been lost. We all fought, dined, and laughed together. The Guard had even been kind enough to give me new state of the art prosthetic legs with Nerve Tap, allowing for direct communication and sensory relay to and from the nerves in my legs (above the knee). Something that was very welcomed. 

 

For the most part, things were peaceful. Random skirmishes with rebels, Prosk, the occasional bandits, and sometimes with traitors; however it would soon turn out to be just a facade for something much deeper and darker. 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2

 

 

 

 

*****WORK IN PROGRESS!*****


Edited by OmegaNull, 30 March 2015 - 05:04 PM.

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#2
Grollourdo

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This is horrible! Lol but cool XD ima write a story lol XD

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(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy bunny into
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And if you dont .... 

 

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(This is also me when u no cooperate in game XD)

#3
ZombieBiscuit

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Get to typing the rest.

 

*cracks whip*



#4
OmegaNull

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This is horrible! Lol but cool XD ima write a story lol XD

Horrible in waht way?


Scootin' 'n Shoot | Bawlin' 'n Brawlin' | Ragin' 'n Raidin'

ca62ab9a-2ce9-4a20-b368-0cde03b1331d.png

"Velocitas et Eradico"


#5
americanbrit14

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EVERY WAY! (no actually i respect your creative freedom)


VfuS0qE.png?1

contracted by 

 

??

INDUSTRY


#6
ZombieBiscuit

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Titan, Crion's main headquarters 

 

 

Pretty sure that is not in the lore. Someone is making up lore. Time to sue.



#7
OmegaNull

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Updated


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Scootin' 'n Shoot | Bawlin' 'n Brawlin' | Ragin' 'n Raidin'

ca62ab9a-2ce9-4a20-b368-0cde03b1331d.png

"Velocitas et Eradico"


#8
ZombieBiscuit

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I think that Chapter 1 did a better job than the prologue of portraying the man's emotions and the situation he was in. It is good to describe what is going on like you have done but also remember that connecting with a character requires the ability to connect with that character's emotions, the position they are in. (Such as his reasoning for joining Sentium besides the obvious. What beneath the surface reasons are there?Things that only he may know or not even have truly noticed himself.) Some good techniques can include actually telling the audience things that the character may not know themselves that can mold the view of things. You may want the character's view and the audience's to be the same on some things or different in others and there are some good ways to split that.

 

I think you have done a good job at setting up something that can lengthily be expanded upon. I do very much like the way you set out your sentences int he same way the character may write a journal, or remember the story in his head in telling. Using those commas as actual pauses than grammatical accuracy.


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#9
Dr_Freeze001

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Welp, that was depressing. Moar pls


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KkaQ7HY.png

hsabot4.png  jaDBqOD.png  JsRCQoO.png  4XXKL4C.png

 

KDR Clan Leader | UVW Host |  KOBALT Leader

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#10
Guns_N_Rozer

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*****WORK IN PROGRESS!*****



#11
Magnolia1038

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Looks promising :)

Hawken Chronicles

Red Sand | Sepulcher | Invasion | Virus | Proteus


#12
OmegaNull

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Updated


Scootin' 'n Shoot | Bawlin' 'n Brawlin' | Ragin' 'n Raidin'

ca62ab9a-2ce9-4a20-b368-0cde03b1331d.png

"Velocitas et Eradico"


#13
Hijinks_The_Turtle

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Nice job so far! :smile:  Though why is the font always different?  It bothers me. e_e


Edited by Hijinks_The_Turtle, 25 March 2015 - 05:01 AM.


#14
SandSpider2

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Good bit of writing, like it. One thing though. The Crion incident happened in an underground facility in Praxis Valley. According to lore.

SandSpiderBanner%207_zpsf0vtqnox.png

The Atlas Of Illal https://community.pl...atlas-of-illal/

Illal Maps and Information https://community.pl...nd-information/
An Interview With Laila https://community.pl...iew-with-laila/

The Quarantine of Illal https://community.pl...ntine-of-illal/

 


#15
OmegaNull

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Oh I forgot that. Will fix. Thanks .

Scootin' 'n Shoot | Bawlin' 'n Brawlin' | Ragin' 'n Raidin'

ca62ab9a-2ce9-4a20-b368-0cde03b1331d.png

"Velocitas et Eradico"


#16
Rainbow_Sheep

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This is cancer to read on mobile with the white background, but good job.

Spoiler

#17
hoghead

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MORE!!!!!!  Very good read! Please keep it coming.



#18
OmegaNull

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I will be redoing this here soon into a journal. :D


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Scootin' 'n Shoot | Bawlin' 'n Brawlin' | Ragin' 'n Raidin'

ca62ab9a-2ce9-4a20-b368-0cde03b1331d.png

"Velocitas et Eradico"





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