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So I'm back and my fields have been ravaged by the wastages of time. What fields, you ask? My like fields, obviously! So, while I still had energy from the brief burst of optimism and something distantly resembling hope or love, I rolled up my sleeves and got back to like-farmingIMEANWORK.
Let's get started.
The Basics - A Shitty, Undersized Love-child of a Vanguard and Grenadier
The Infiltrator is an A-Class, which means that it's got 330 HP and a dodge cooldown of 1 second. It's fuel tank is absolutely bonkers at 106L and boy howdy are you gonna fuzzy bunnyng need it in this thing because it is absolutely broken-ass garbage. The fuel tank is the largest of A-classes by far and combined with its speed and dodge rate will give you the maneuverability that you desperately need to survive. Played right, the Infiltard is an almost good mech that relies on you popping Adderall in an attempt to get to this motherfuzzer's dodge skill (wait for it).
The Infiltrator is supposed to be some kind of stealth mech, but because of existing issues we'll get to later, it utterly fuzzy bunnyng fails at that role. So you're basically a shittier Berserker or marginally better Reaper. If Reloaded re-adds the kamikaze internal though, with all the goddamn dying you're gonna do you've got a pretty good argument for calling it the Infidel.
(????)?
Also, your stock chassis looks like an aborted elephant fetus.
But enough with the offending the religiously minded and alt-right, let's get to the saving grace of the Infiltard - weapons that don't suck.
Primary Weapons - They Don't Suck, But Don't Worry You Still Do
Assault Rifle
Say hello to probably the most boring, most try-hard, and most effective weapon in Hawken. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this piece of fuzz. It is extremely effective on every mech it's on, it is thoroughly versatile and it will absolutely, positively, after 2000 hours of playing it, put you to fuzzing sleep. That being said, it's probably the best weapon for the Infil because of its sheer versatility. It pokes at range. It has reasonable spread. It sustains through all the pants-wetting action you'll see when you realize your ability does fuzzy bunny all and the enemy is coming to eat your aborted pachyderm face off.
Anyone using this as their main weapon on the Infil is a terrible person and knows what the fuzz they are doing.
Heat Cannon
Yes.
EOC Repeater
A real pilot's weapon. A chargeable burst weapon whose slow travel time is happily offset by an extremely painful 156 damage max. Best of all, the projectiles, or darts, stay stuck in a surface so a blind enemy might wander into them if you miss. The recommendation of many is to fire the EOC at your enemy's feet in order to reliably deal more damage, but that assumes you can't lead or aim. Soooo, since you're in a-no, fuzzy bunny, sorry, I can't do this. I can't just copy and paste from the other guide.
Look, some scrubs, me-wannabes or Murican-made Nept knock-offs are going to try convince you this is a good weapon. It's not. It's charge time is terrible, it's impossible to aim for you scrubs and sure, the burst is fantastic. But you gonna die, son. You gonna die a lot, and trying to aim this thing in particulars. Everything this thing does the Yes Cannon does better.
Remember kids, masochism is a sexual perversion and an abomination in the eyes of Je-oh who am I kidding, you're driving the Infidel, you're gonna strap this thing on like a double-sided dildo, aren't you.
fuzzy bunny.
Secondary Weapon - Das Boomen
The grenade launcher throws a fuzzy bunnyng sea mine at your enemy and if you don't think that's awesome you should probably uninstall and play something more your speed. I hear Candy Crush comes standard with Windows 10 these days, grandma.
It's a slower, more awkward TOW that bounces off some (most) surfaces.
I know what you're thinking.
"Trick shots!"
Don't. Just learn how to arc the thing, practice your spatial recognition to get those lob shots down and don't embarass yourself trying some fancy stuff in the heat of battle. You're not me, you're not Lebron Jones and you're sure as hell not Archmech so just put the fuzzy bunny in the little red box and be happy with your massive damage. Get good at that and we'll hear a new round of scrubs whining that the GL is somehow OP compared to the TOW.
Ability - Camowhatsis?
Bugged. Doesn't work. Don't bother.
Internals - Pimp Your Suicide Vest
Alright, let's review: You've got a fueltank more inflated than a porn star's tiddies, a respectable array of weapons and a 1 second dodge cooldown. You're gonna need to maximize these if you're gonna rock the Infiltard like the Kasbah.
Air-Compressor: Dodge, hop, airdodge. Two dodges in less than a second and with a fuel tank to support it. Hell yeah baby. Also, super useful for Yes Cannon maneuverings.
Fuel Converter (any): Top up that fuel tank, bro Redux Edition.
Deflectors: You are the rabbit. Your entire life is pain and fear and panicked, pants-shitting chaos. You will be dodging on average once every .75 seconds so you better believe these are a good pick.
Air 180: Because real pilots pirouette en l'air, motherfuzzer.
Armor Fusor (any): You have 330 HP. No.
Extractor (any): You will never be standing still long enough to use this.
Repair Kit (any): See previous.
Power Surger: I mean, if you manage a kill, sure. But I think you're asking too much of yourself if you think you're gonna be around to use the entirety of this.
Evasive Device: The little humping rabbit that has spawned in the back of your head after that initial metaphor is now humping slightly faster.
Composite Armor: Milges hate it. You're gonna die a lot. Do it.
Failsafe: Someone who, on a good day, I actually respect told me this a must-have for a Heat Infil because you're going to be doing so much explosive damage to yourself. I don't have many good days anymore, so he's an idiot, ergo...
Replenisher: Your ability is still bugged.
Shock Coil: What's worse, dying from falling because you somehow managed to deplete your massive fuzzy bunnyng gazonga of a fuel tank, or dying from the single shot fired at your prone, immobile ungulate abortion after you've fallen because you somehow managed to deplete your massive fuzzy bunnyng gazonga of a fuel tank?
Reconstructor (any): The true rabbit always gets away. Since none of you are El-ahrairah, I don't know how much use this is gonna be to you.
Items - Subtitles Remain Hard. Unlike Your Dad.
Turrets: No.
EMPs: You live in chaos and these things sow chaos. Do it.
Repair Orbs: See Extractor
Shield: I mean, there are worse options. But somehow the idea of staying confined in a tiny fuzzy bunnyng dome while there are better armed people with actual abilities out there strikes me as a terrible idea.
Barriers: Troll walls. Getting chased on Frontline? Run through the corridor between the Oven and the Bakery and drop this. It'll be the highlight of your game.
ISM: See EMPs
Detonator: You are a heavily armed ball of fuzz. More explosions are always better.
HE Charge: Heavily. Armed. Ball. Of fuzz.
Heat Charge: You know, I played the console version for a while and when someone threw this thing at me I was so fuzzy bunnyng excited! There was new content! What did it- and then I remembered it existed on PC and was terrible there too.
Conclusion - Run.
You've got a fairly comptently laid out mech: low armour, good maneuverability, solid & versatile weapons and a lot of good interal and item synergy. You're never going to be a Berzerker or Scout because your ability doesn't work and your weapons don't synergize quite as well, but with a little effort you might eventually become a competent pilot and make this enormous sack of urine work for you.
Until one day you press "F," get murdered anyways, and look like a goddamn infiltard.
Next time on Amid Presents - The Raiderp
Edited by Amidatelion, 26 October 2016 - 12:50 PM.
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