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Gather round by the Lord of the Scrubs' knee, little nublets, it's time to get a run down on the Worst Mech in the Game (copyright Sentium Industries, all rights reserved). That's right, Ol' Uncle Amid is going to teach you everything you need to know to take the Rocketeer onto the field of battle. You too can have a questionable effect on the scoreboard and a definite effect on a team's morale.
Which team? By the end of the guide, we'll find out!
The Basics - Flightworthy Emu. Barely.
The Rocketeer is a C-Class, which means that it's got 730 HP and a dodge cooldown of 1.4 seconds. It has a respectable fuel tank at 110L, which means all you spacebar heroes can keep holding down your win button and losing HP. But hey, at least you'll be going faster than your ground speed! ...And boost speed.
Also, you've got a sick looking chassis.
Now, the role of the Rocketeer is largely considered to be, generously speaking, one of suppression. Your damage is mediocre, your health isn't great for tanking and your weapons are... we'll get to that. And while you could "suppress" the enemy, what you are actually really, really good at is irritating the fuzzy bunny out of the other team.
Let's examine how.
Primary Weapons - Wear a Groove In That Left Mouse Button
Seeker
Welcome to the Default Republic of Suckistan. The seeker is a slow-firing, slow-moving, projectile sustain weapon and if that combination of words didn't curdle your milk, you haven't been playing this game very long. They were also designed by hacking noobs. At 25 DPS, you're guaranteed to overheat before your opponent gets behind cover, let alone dies. It's also, appropriately enough to the "hacking noobs" part, seeking, so as long as you hold your cursor on your enemy's hitbox, the pathetic excuse for a warhead the game refers to as a missile will track the enemy. Now, if you ball pretty hard, you can pull some slick fuzzy bunny with this by firing into empty air around cover, popping out the other side and getting the seekers to acquire a target on the fly. But let's be real, if you're playing the Rocketeer, you don't ball. You sit in the stands, picking at your nose with an oversized foam finger.
EOC Repeater
A real pilot's weapon. A chargeable burst weapon whose slow travel time is happily offset by an extremely painful 156 damage max. Best of all, the projectiles, or darts, stay stuck in a surface so a blind enemy might wander into them if you miss. The recommendation of many is to fire the EOC at your enemy's feet in order to reliably deal more damage, but that assumes you can't lead or aim. Soooo, since you're in a Rocketeer, you should probably fire them at your opponent's feet. But direct hits do more damage. This weapon works wonders for scaredy-pants Siege K/D whores who refuse to get on the AA and just fill it with darts that they fondly imagine someone is going to walk over.
Heat Cannon
Yes.
Secondary Weapon - The Beeps
Remember that "irritating the enemy bit?" Yeah, say hello to the prime offender: Hellfires. Called that, because that's what your internal temperature is going to be like after using these worthless pieces of fuzzy bunny. Hellfires, even more than the seekers, were designed by lazy-ass hackers masquerading as devs. They have two firing modes: Worst Aimbot and Worst Shotgun.
Worst Aimbot
So yeah, you can lock on to an enemy with your alt-fire button. Because it was designed by uber-1337 h4xx0rz you only need to tap the button in order to bring up a spinny circle thing that you can then wave in the general direction of whoever you want irritated. You don't even have to hold it, it's more effortless than actually hacking! You'll get a tone, they'll get a series of godawful BEEPs, you'll fire and they'll either dodge or walk right into them, uncaring and generally irritated with you because, at absolute best, you scratched their paint with 115 damage. Also it took longer than a TOW to get there so their cockpit will have been going BEEP BEEP BEEP for that much longer.
Again, you can pull trick shots by locking on and firing away from a target to loop them around cover, but again, you're not playing ball, you're in the stands drooling and beating yourself upside the head with your foam hand over and over again.
Worst Shotgun
Slow travelling explosive missiles with a massive spread and an absurd reload time, the only redeeming feature of this mode is the right, nay, the requirement to teabag your enemy's corpse while sucking their dwindling mech-soul dry because you just killed them with the Worst Shotgun in the Game. You know, just to irritate them just a little bit more.
Ability - Literally Paint a Target on Your Chassis
So this variation of the ever-popular C-Class EMP magnet button gives you +40% damage reduction from the front and -20% from the back. In addition to rendering your mech relatively immobile and you utterly useless because you just magically sucked EMPs directly out of your opponents inventories and into your face, Literally Paint a Target on Your Chassis Targeting Turret mode decreases your Hellfire lock-on time which is utterly goddamn useless because it is detracting from the amount of time your opponent gets to hear BEEP BEEP BEEP pumped dulcetly into their aching ear canals.
Loadouts - Pimp Your Shortbus
Well, despite the fact that I can tell you "get out of the goddamn air" until Sol runs out of fuzzing hydrogen, you're going to spend a lot of time leaning on your spacebar anyways, so let's run with that and take a look at your options.
Air-Compressor: Having an airspeed higher than your ground speed is useless unless you can dodge too. So dodge too.
Fuel Converter (any): Top up that fuel tank, bro.
Deflectors: Because you're going to be dodging in the air, duh.
Air 180: Like buying expensive Nikes, so you can pretend you're a baller.
Armor Fusor (any): Look, even if you got called down to take a shot during the halftime show, chances are you're not gonna get many kills, so you may as well milk the endless health regen of assists for all it's worth. This metaphor has now collapsed from exhaustion.
Extractor (any): As if you're going to be on the ground long enough to use the goddamn thing.
Repair Kit (any): See previous.
Power Surger: PFFFFFFT. Right. Sure.
Evasive Device: X% more suck is still suck.
Composite Armor: New TPG meta. Can't be wrong.
Failsafe: You cannot possibly be this bad.
Replenisher: You cannot possibly be this bad.
Shock Coil: You cannot poss- Nah, you know what, better get one.
Reconstructor (any): Sure, if you'd get out of the goddamn air.
Items - Subtitles Are Hard and Also For Jerks
Turrets: Add BRRT BRRT BRRT to your BEEP BEEP BEEP for maximum irritation.
EMPs: You might do your opponents a favour and EMP yourself, so you don't magically suck their EMPs away.
Repair Orbs: See Extractor
Shield: If you can resist the urge to spacebar, shields are never a bad idea.
Barriers: See previous. Also good fun on Origin.
ISM: Why.jpeg
Detonator: Race your seeker missile to the target! Spoiler: the seeker wins, but the det is still more useful.
HE Charge: Spacebar heroes seem to like these, you might as well use it if you can land one.
Heat Charge: More "area denial." Definitely good for further irritating a team.
Conclusion - TropicThunder.png
So there you have it, Amid Presents The Worst Mech in the Game. After this little rundown, I expect you understand while even though your contribution on the scoreboard might not be significant, the blow to your team's morale will be felt.
That's right. Your team's.
Because no matter how much you BEEP BEEP BEEP'd, you're still taking up a slot better used by literally any other mech in the game.
Edited by Amidatelion, 26 October 2016 - 10:47 AM.
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